The Republic of Kevin
by Cats070911
Summary: A silly little romp for Tess 4 5. When Tommy and Barbara come face to face with staunch Royalists it is up to them to save the honour of Great Britain.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note:** all usual disclaimers apply. This story is for Tess 4 5.

I have taken liberties with the political situation. There are no plans, as yet, for a certain Commonwealth country to become a republic.

* * *

"Havers!" she snapped into her phone.

"You sound angry Sergeant."

"Sir, is this important? I'm a little...pre-occupied just at the minute."

Tommy Lynley smiled wryly. "Doing what?"

Barbara felt her blood boil. If he insisted she would tell him. "I'm taking a shower!"

"Err...oh! Yes, well that is important."

She had caught him off-guard and smirked as she imagined his face. "So?"

"I'm sorry Barbara," he said sincerely, "but there's been a napping."

"Napping? As in someone has been asleep? Like I still want to be. Or someone folded your serviettes the wrong way?"

She heard her boss laugh and smiled. She liked it when he laughed; he had not done enough of that lately. "Very droll Barbara. This has nothing to do with sleeping or my napery."

"So a kidnapping?"

"Not exactly...I'll explain when I pick you up."

"How long?"

"Well, that's the thing really. I'm standing outside your door."

Now it was Tommy's turn to smile. Barbara had hung up on him but not before she had growled into his ear. She had actually growled! He was still smiling when her door flew open. "Five minutes!" she roared at him.

He followed meekly behind the huge over-sized tee-shirt that covered the hissing, spitting, bundle of red-hair as it stormed back into the house. She went back into her bathroom and slammed the door leaving her bewildered boss standing in the lounge. He picked up some stray items of clothes from the chair and looked around. No other pile looked any better than its many mates so he placed them on one and sat down. He wondered if perhaps he should have hidden something in the cutlery drawer as a joke. No, Barbara was not in the mood!

He could hear the water running. He fiddled with his jacket, then placed his hands purposefully on his knees as he thought about Barbara being naked under the stream of warm water only fifteen feet from him. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. They had work to do and this was most definitely not the time to be thinking about joining her in the shower. He coughed and loosened his collar.

Five minutes later Barbara emerged dressed and ready. Her wet hair hung limply in thick strands reaching almost to her shoulders. He could imagine her using a wide-toothed comb like they gave away at five pound haircutting stands. It was a pity she did not look after herself more. He had tried to convince her a few times that she was attractive but she would have none of it. He knew she took pride in her reputation for being sexless and ugly. She was far from that. Her eyes sparkled like emeralds when she smiled and her face beneath her cheap haircut was beautiful. He wondered momentarily what it would be like to kiss her.

"What's so damned urgent?" she demanded, shaking him from his reverie.

"There's been a marsupial kidnapped from the zoo."

She picked up her bag and hunted him towards the door. "Stolen. I don't think you can say kidnapped. What sort of marsupial?"

"A koala," he replied as he unlocked his car.

"Someone stole a koala bear?"

"They're not bears, Barbara," he admonished like her sixth class teacher.

"Yeah, yeah, I know but they look like little bears. Why are we looking into a stolen koala?"

"He was a gift from the Australian Government and there has been a rather bizarre ransom demand involving cutting off the poor little thing's ears. The Prime Minister wants to avert an international incident in the lead up to the Australia becoming a republic. Having one of their national symbols tortured on TV would not go down well - here or there. Looks like sour grapes by some group about them deciding to leave the fold. Apparently The Palace are not happy either. Not only is the Queen fond of koalas but she wants Australia to play an important role in keeping the Commonwealth together. So the Met, MI5 and MI6 are all working together on this one."

Barbara rolled her eyes and groaned. "We have spooks? Marvelous!" She had slept badly and had hoped for a quiet day. "What do the koala-nappers want?"

"To stop Australia becoming a republic."

"Why would anyone here care?"

"I think some still hold the ideals of the Commonwealth and maybe even the Empire very dear."

"You disapprove, don't you?"

"Of course. We can't have animals used to ransom our political system. And Australia should be able to make its own decisions. They haven't said they want to leave the Commonwealth. We should be more worried about the EU."

Barbara grunted. She suspected she and Lynley held disparate views on that debate. "How credible is the threat?"

"Very. They've already interrupted the BBC early news with footage of them with Kevin and a knife. They made their demand public."

"Who's Kevin?"

"The koala."

"Kevin? That's the best we could do?"

"The name was chosen by schoolchildren I believe. I think they like alliterative names; Thomas the Tank Engine, Bob the Builder, and Kevin the Koala."

Barbara raised her eyebrows then lowered them into a thoughtful frown. "So they are tech-savvy and capable."

"So it seems."

"Any clues on the tape? Background location, noises?"

"No, seems they shot it while still inside the zoo."

"I suppose someone searched the zoo thoroughly?"

"Very. They had about fifty officers sweep it from end to end. One was bitten by a snake I believe."

"An Australian snake?"

"I don't know. Possibly, they have a lot of them and they're angry little devils."

"Stop trying to make them sound cute. They're snakes."

"People aren't scared of snakes Barbara, they're scared of being poisoned."

"So?"

"Well you know what I'm getting at. It's like love."

"No wonder your love life's a mess if you think women are snakes."

"It's not a mess. I don't have a love life. You know that. I...why are we discussing my love life now?"

Barbara gave him a huge grin. "You're trying to explain how love is a snake. Presumably, one that rears up and bites you just when you think it's curled in its basket."

"People aren't scared of love, they're scared no one will love them back."

"They shouldn't be."

She had said it in such a way that Tommy was unsure if she had addressed that comment directly at him. Had she just told him she loved him? Had he just asked? "No, they shouldn't. You can't help who you love."

"So what's our role?"

"To love with all our hearts and not miss opportunities."

Barbara stared at him. "O-kay," she said slowly, "I meant with the case."

"Oh, yes. Of course. Hillier hopes we can find and rescue Kevin before the spooks. He thinks it will be a confidence booster for the public. He has a lot of teams on it."

"Any ideas?" she asked her boss.

"No, frankly they could be anywhere."

"Not really. Think about. Koalas only eat certain trees right? Australian trees. And from what I've seen on David Attenborough, they eat almost constantly when they're not asleep. So they have to be somewhere they can access gum trees."

"They might have sourced leaves already. Have them in storage."

"Yeah, maybe but I think the leaves have to be fresh."

"Maybe they don't intend to feed him while they have him," he reasoned.

"They must know Australia won't change its mind in a few hours. They'd've planned for that. Nah, I reckon they have access to trees."

"It's worth looking into. We can check for any arboretums that specialise in eucalypts."

"Arbore whats? Yeah well while you're at it look for places that grow trees."

Tommy returned her cheeky grin. "Feeling less grumpy now?"

"No. It was very...disconcerting, having you turn up at my door while I was showering."

"I've been with you when you've showered before." He saw the horrified look on her face. "In the caravan," he added hastily. Then he remembered and smiled. "Besides, you stood watching me shower once Miss Kettle!"

He watched Barbara's face flush crimson. "That was different," she muttered.

Tommy thought about pulling over and kissing her right here in the middle of the city. He had the same thought twenty or thirty times every day now. For months, he had promised himself that at the end of the day he would act, but he never had.

"Kew! Has anyone checked Kew Gardens?" Clearly Barbara's mind was only on work.

"I don't know. Why don't you phone Winston and check," he said grumpily, earning a frown from his sergeant.

Barbara made her call. Tommy tried to follow it from one side but it was more of an excuse to look at her. She was everything but what he thought he liked in a woman yet he was drawn to her more every day. Friendship had grown into a spiritual pairing and over the last few months, his thoughts had become decidedly carnal as well. He was smitten, totally and utterly in love with her. This time, after this case, he promised himself he would act.

"Yes, they did a sweep of Kew, no koala. Why are you smiling? The poor little creature is probably scared out of its wits."

"Sorry, I was distracted. That would probably have been too easy. The koala will be fine, we'll find it. At least they didn't take a wombat."

"And how does that help us?"

"Well the wombat hides itself. With a koala, we have something above ground to search for."

"Who grows eucalypts?"

He shrugged. "An Oxford education has its limits Barbara."

She grinned at him. "Oh, an admission of fallibility. I like it."

"You know only too well my many failings."

"You've never failed me." The smile she gave him made his heart jump.

Tommy pulled into the carpark which was brimming with strange cars. "Barbara, there's something I've...who sells eucalypts? There must be a nursery here somewhere. See what you can find while I try and park."

Fifteen minutes later Barbara was in his office when he walked thought the door. "There's only one place Sir, in Wales. I just rang and the woman was quite distressed to think a koala was in danger. Apparently they only eat certain species of eucalypts."

"You look smug Sergeant."

"I have an address in Cobham where thirty trees koalas like were sent two weeks ago," she said triumphantly as she held up a piece of paper.

Tommy ran his hand through his hair. "I'm not sure turning up with sirens blazing is the right approach. Let me talk to Hillier. Good work Barbara."

He returned ten minutes later. "Hillier agrees. We'll take Winston and two officers as well as one of the zoo's handlers. Cobham is only forty minutes away. We can get back up if we need it."

Winston burst into the room. "You have to see this," he almost yelled.

They followed him back to the squad room. On the TV, a man wearing a cut-out mask of Prince William was holding Kevin. The koala cuddled sleepily into his side unaware that the man was talking about how he was going to mutilate him. When the man produced a large knife Kevin watched warily then looked scared as the man shaved away the hair from one ear. Suddenly he started thrashing and making a pitiful sound like a petrol chainsaw having trouble starting.

"No!" Barbara shouted at the screen. "Sir, you have to save Kevin. Now!"


	2. Chapter 2

Author's note: Keep the reviews coming even though they have not been loading properly. I know the Aussies have been amused - as I was by your reviews!

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Tommy wondered how he had become single-handedly responsible for Kevin's welfare but he also knew Barbara would not be snuggling next to him tonight unless the koala was safe. He did not need extra incentive but he liked the prospect that she might see him as a knight in shining armour and be more receptive to his kiss.

"Winston, you take the others. I'll take Barbara. We'll work out a plan as we drive. Let's meet here." Tommy pointed to the centre of the village. "It's eight thirty now. We should be there within the hour."

Tommy handed Barbara his iPad. "Let's see what we can learn about this place and work out a plan."

Winston was waiting under the village clock in the square with two burly plainclothes officers, Harry and Ahmed, and an anxious looking woman in a green zoo uniform. Lynley spent ten minutes outlining the plan. He was not sure it would work but it was the best they had managed as they drove.

"So, are we clear?"

"Yes, Sir," Harry answered and the others nodded.

"Good luck Barbara," Winston said smiling at her, "the DI won't let anything happen to you."

The farmlet was only a short distance from the village. Tommy drove carefully along the narrow country road. On one side there was a high stone wall covered in ivy and on the other wire fences dividing the land into paddocks of rolling green grazing land. Tommy slowed to a stop out of sight below the house. "Ready?" he asked gently.

"Yes."

"Well let's do it. You'll be fine."

Barbara rumpled up her hair and tugged a bit at her clothes. "Nah, this is not convincing. You should do it."

"Me? I can't...attack you." Tommy tried hard not to stare at her cleavage which was peeking through the pale yellow where she had undone her top button.

"It's not real. Just rough me up a bit and tear my shirt."

"We need another plan."

"No, we don't. Sir, it's not that hard. I'd attack you if the situation were reversed."

"Comforting to know. I've never attacked a woman Barbara!"

Barbara swore at him. "Think of Kevin. Do it for him. Do you want me to yell at you and goad you?"

"No! I dread to think what you'd say but I never want to touch you in anger."

"Then method act or something."

Tommy closed his eyes and sighed. He then leant across the seat and grabbed at her clothes as he forcibly tried to rip open her shirt. He felt a few button under his fingers and pulled hard hearing cloth rip. Taking her by surprise he pressed his mouth violently against hers and ground her lips against her teeth. It was not how he had imagined their first kiss and he felt guilty for enjoying the smell of her so close. The maxim that it hurt him more was never truer. "I'm sorry, did that hurt?"

"Yeah, a bit. Do I look red and flustered?"

Tommy could barely look. "Yes," he said softly then tenderly stroked her lips with his thumb. "I'm sorry."

She smiled at him. "Don't be. It's for Kevin."

He leant over and kissed her softly. "Go now Barbara. Please, no more." She opened the door and ran towards the house. Tommy ran his hands through his hair. She was running into danger and he felt powerless to help her.

Barbara knocked frantically on the white door. The farmhouse was neat and well kept. There was no sign of any outbuildings but despite there being a large garage, three cars were parked in the open.

The door cracked open. "Go away, we don't want any." Barbara's ears pricked up at the woman's unmistakable Australian twang.

"Help me! He's chasing me!" she cried.

"Who?"

"My boyfriend...well a man I thought was my boyfriend. We were parked down the road and he turned violent."

"Who's there?" a male English voice, with an educated accent that reminded Barbara of Tommy, called from deeper inside the house.

"It's alright," the woman called back. The door opened a little more and the woman looked at Barbara.

"Barbara! Come here at once!" Tommy ran up the driveway. He waved his arms and tried to look angry and menacing.

The woman took one look at him and opened the door. "Quick."

Barbara rushed into the house and down the hallway. As planned, she tried to get as far inside as possible.

"Who the hell are you?" a tall man wearing overalls asked as she rushed into the kitchen.

"He's after me! He hit me! He was trying to..." She lowered her eyes, trying to look ashamed.

The woman was on her heels. In the background, Tommy was beating on the door and yelling threats. It was hard for Barbara not to laugh. She went and stood by the sink looking out the window. She spotted Winston behind a tree. She put her hands on her head in the pre-arranged signal. He raised his arm to signify that there were no trees planted on the grounds. The couple seemed less innocent with every discovery.

She turned back to the couple. "Please don't let him in."

"I'll fix him!"

Barbara was horrified to see the man pull a large cleaver from the knife block. "Don't hurt him," she cried too forcefully. "I just want him to go away," she added softly. He frowned but she could tell he thought her reaction was genuine.

The man went to the front door. Barbara closed her eyes fearing Tommy was no match for the knife-wielding man. She heard them shouting and a scuffle. She and the woman ran to the door as the fighting men tumbled inside and fell to the floor. Tommy dug his thumb into the man's wrist and the cleaver skidded across the tiles. Barbara quickly put her foot on the blade. Lynley was red in the face and grimaced as he absorbed a few punches. Then he landed one square on the man's chin. The man went limp as he lost consciousness.

Barbara picked up the cleaver. She had been so worried for Tommy she had not noticed the woman disappear until she saw her arm strike out at Tommy. "Tommy, behind you!"

He turned enough to avoid the worst of the slash but it caught him across the shoulder. Blood spurted out and quickly soaked his shirt. Barbara raised her eyebrows at his decidedly East End curse. It was then she heard what sounded like a dirt bike being revved coming from the garage. Kevin!

Tommy nodded then swiftly kicked out his foot. The woman tripped and he grabbed her and dragged her back to the kitchen. Barbara followed. The woman was cursing and swearing as only Australians can do. Barbara had to admire her inventive use of the language. Tommy pushed her onto a chair. "Where's Kevin?"

The woman glared defiantly at him. Barbara opened the back door and waved. Harry was the first to reach the door. Tommy directed him to the hall to secure the man while Ahmed struggled to handcuff the woman thrashing about on the chair. Tommy threw him a roll of cling film that was sitting on the bench. "Wrap this around her."

"Sir, you're hurt!" Winston said.

"Not badly." He looked around for his partner. "Where's Barbara?"

Winston shrugged before they started to search. A light shone from underneath a door at the end of the hall. When the opened the door they were assailed by the smell of eucalyptus. The garage was lined with trees and near the middle, Tommy could see a patch of yellow. He walked slowly towards it. He stopped when he saw Kevin cuddled in her arms. The koala had its little arms around her neck and she was leaning her head protectively against it.

"Looks like she's holding a child," Winston said.

Tommy had thought the same thing and he wanted it to be his child. He imagined her standing at Howenstowe in the woods by the water with his son on her hip. He would walk up and encircle both of them in his arms. He sighed peacefully. "Winston, check on the other's and ring Assistant Commissioner Hillier. You had better call an ambulance too. I don't want accusations of police cruelty."

"Yes, Sir."

When he disappeared from sight Tommy walked up to Barbara and put his arm around her. "You did well Sergeant."

She smiled affectionately at him. "So did you Knuckles."

"Oxford teaches you many things about life Barbara."

"So it seems Sir."

He frowned slightly. "What happened to Tommy?"

She glanced up at his arm. It was still weeping. "I would have given the game away calling you 'Sir', Sir."

Tommy leaned around her and tickled the happy koala under the chin before giving it a belly-rub. Kevin responded with a big grin. "So what do you think Kevin? Do you think Aunty Barbara should call me Tommy or Sir Sir?"

Barbara started to chuckle. "Here take him a minute."

Tommy took Kevin in his good arm. "You're a heavy little thing aren't you? Yeeeees, have a stretch, there's a good boy."

Barbara flexed her arm and smiled loving at the pair. "You'd make a great parent Tommy." She had not meant to say it aloud and felt her face flush.

"So would you,"he said affectionately.

"Sorry...I...oh your arm. I forgot." She moved closer to take Kevin back. The koala was pressed between their bodies and looked up as if expecting something to happen. When nothing did he continued to munch happily on his leaves.

Tommy and Barbara were staring into each other's eyes in an unspoken conversation. She was uncertain and he was re-assuring. Their heads drifted closer together until eventually they kissed. This time, Tommy was tender and slow. Kevin wriggled between them and they broke apart.

"Time for you to sit back on a branch little one." He carefully held Kevin until he grabbed a tree and settled in. "That's it. You have a rest."

"Kevin!" The zoo warden rushed over and petted Kevin. He relished the attention and Tommy could have sworn the animal winked at him.

"Come on Barbara, time to face the circus."

For the next hour, they were paraded in front of the international media. They were photographed with Kevin from a thousand different angles. Tommy had insisted Barbara have his coat around her so that his handiwork with her buttons could not be seen. Hillier arrived and made sure Tommy was always photographed with his bloodied shirt on full display. Only after he was happy that the Metropolitan Police would achieve due recognition, did he allow Tommy to have his arm seen to by the paramedic.

Hillier took charge of the interviewing and charging of the suspects so Tommy was sent home to rest. "Havers, can you drive that car of his?"Barbara carefully

She glanced nervously at Tommy who nodded. "Yes, Sir."Barbara carefully

Barbara carefully drove back into Cobham and then pulled over. "You look too nervous, I think you'd better drive."

"You know me well Barbara."

"Too well at times."

They had just poured drinks and settled on his sofa when his phone rang. He clicked the speaker on. "Lynley."

"Tommy! Oh, thank goodness you're home. I saw the news and your arm."

"Hello, Mother. Just a scratch. Only half a dozen stitches."

"So how long have you two been together?"

"Sorry?" he said looking guiltily at Barbara.

"You and Barbara? About time!"

"Hello Lady Asherton," Barbara said cheekily.

"Barbara! Tommy why didn;t you tell me you were on speakerphone?"

Tommy chuckled. "You never asked and I had no idea what you were going to say. Barbara and I are just debriefing."

His mother gasped. "Are you...naked?"

"Mother! No!"

"Well, I'll let you go so you can address the situation." The line went dead.

Barbara started to laugh. "I don't know what she thinks is going on."

"Don't you?" Tommy put his good arm around her shoulder.

"Do you always obey your mother?"

"No, but tonight I intend to." He kissed her softly and groaned as she responded passionately. "We might be more comfortable upstairs."


End file.
